Monday, November 24, 2008

Breathtaking Lies
Every other time I see the word "breathtaking." being used to advertise something, I feel all weird inside. We have come to live in a world that continually promises to take my breath, and yet my lungs are filled with tons of breath, still there for the taking. It sucks.

If I would ever pass by an item to be so special, so oh-my-god magical, that could literally leave me gasping on the floor for air. I'm sure I'd buy it on the spot.

Although, now that I think about it, the last time I can remember having that effect was when Douglas Lee's fist punched me in the stomach when I was 11. And that also sucked.

Either way, I've stitched up a small collection of items on Amazon that blatantly promote this rampant false claim. If any of these products actually takes your breath, please let me know. I reviewed them all very carefully and ascertain my vital signs to remain stable.

Maybe I'll have better luck being rendered paralyzed when I search for items that are "stunning."

Behold...

Amazon's List of Breathtaking Lies

(Except for you Douglas Lee, you dickweed)

StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 9:41 PM