Monday, January 05, 2009
The Golden YearsToday, talking crap with my buds at school had me wondering, what should I do about my retirement plan? After giving it some thought, well, here’s what I came up with:
On my 65th birthday, I will start popping heroin. Right there at the party. Next to the cake.
This may sound a tad extreme, but from what's happening in the news and MTV nowadays, I can say that I've learnt two things:
1) Heroin destroys your life. Rich and famous rock stars are willing to lose it all, just to get more heroin.
2) Heroin must be pretty awesome. Rich and famous rock stars are willing to lose it all, just to get more heroin.
Right now, I'm a clean-cut nerd with responsibilities. I have a movie addiction and a sweet hot babe to support. That's why I'm just going to ruin the end of my life. So, while all my wrinkly-assed friends are test driving wheelchairs and trying to remember their names, Grandpappy Jaz is gonna be popping junk. I’m going to sell crack and steal for dope.
I'm also gonna be cranky. Like really cranky, beyong mere grumpiness. Not because I have a reason to do so, but it seems fun. I mean, whats better than being able to whack some guy up on the street with my walking cane without any real retaliation? Old peeps really have life figured out, don't they.
In fact, when I hit 70 I'll go crazy altogether -- get tattoos on my butt-crack, nose-tongue rings, sleep with whores and finally have the balls to curse out those people who call others bald. It's gonna be great.
Plan for the future, kids. It's important!
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 9:11 PM