Thursday, November 27, 2008
StunnedWhile I was unable to find any breathtaking items on Amazon that was truly breathtaking, I did manage to find something that was so stunning it actually did leave me a little ... stunned. <-- Click there.
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 5:57 PM
Monday, November 24, 2008
Breathtaking LiesEvery other time I see the word "breathtaking." being used to advertise something, I feel all weird inside. We have come to live in a world that continually promises to take my breath, and yet my lungs are filled with tons of breath, still there for the taking. It sucks.
If I would ever pass by an item to be so special, so oh-my-god magical, that could literally leave me gasping on the floor for air. I'm sure I'd buy it on the spot.
Although, now that I think about it, the last time I can remember having that effect was when Douglas Lee's fist punched me in the stomach when I was 11. And that also sucked.
Either way, I've stitched up a small collection of items on Amazon that blatantly promote this rampant false claim. If any of these products actually takes your breath, please let me know. I reviewed them all very carefully and ascertain my vital signs to remain stable.
Maybe I'll have better luck being rendered paralyzed when I search for items that are "stunning."
Behold...
Amazon's List of Breathtaking Lies
(Except for you Douglas Lee, you dickweed)
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 9:41 PM
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I Think Things!I think it sucks to be a manatee.
They eat mostly vegetables.
They swim all day long.
And yet for some reason they are still complete and total fat asses.
It's a fact,
I think things.
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 10:47 PM
GIRLS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BURP OR FART
My MSN's pm was "GIRLS SHOULD NOT FART!", and with that, I've received numerous comments and colourful vocabulary from the ladies.
Scary as it may sound, apparently some girls out there just don't care about controlling their inner gas(chi?), and thus I shall make a stand for the male species.
Now I wasn’t even aware that girls went to the bathroom until I was like, 15. So you can imagine, when I recently learn that polite, innocent and flowery girls out there are capable of ripping loud and smelly stink bombs, I got freaked. This is just too weird. While they burp and fart and giggle, I grab for my garbage ready to vomit.
Us guys, we’re allowed to be disgusting. It’s in our blood. But girls, c’mon, it’s just not right. Thinking that sweet pretty cute girls do fart, it ruins every image I’ve ever had. Miss America, Miss Universe, Miss Galaxy – all of these shows now mean nothing. I can’t get all excited if I know there’s a chance Miss Hawaii farted in the dressing room.
Now, my girlfriend is good like that. I have her trained well in this short span of time. Whatever gas issues she does or does not have, are kept far away from me. On rare occasions when something might squeak through, I'd simply beat her with a bat until she realizes not to let it happen again.
So for the love of everything men hold dear, please stop this now. If you don’t, we will wage a flatulence war with the likes of nothing you have ever seen before.
Oh, is gonna get nasty up in here!StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 9:33 PM
Monday, November 17, 2008
Funeral on Moon, Lets eat a pigWe have successfully commercialize funerals on the moon.
How cool are humans?
Not only were we able to figure out there are other planets out there, we also somehow figured out how to shoot stuff up into the sky and land dead people's ashes on them. Soon we'll have all-you-can-eat buffets and The Getaway Plan concerts(they look bad on youtube) on that futuristic grey planet.
Do you realize how crazy that is?
Humans rock!
Science #1!
Human #1!
Bacon #1!!!
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 6:01 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
TNG TNG TNG!!!So I guess I'll just end the game :p
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Big Bird's Anus!
Thanks to everyone who played today's game of WHAT COULD IT BE???
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 9:33 PM
WHAT COULD IT BE???
First person to correctly identify this picture with the correct answer I'm looking for wins a fabulous cookie and SWEET SWEET GLORY.
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 9:19 PM
Monday, November 10, 2008
Tiger Kickass
TIGER SAYS:
"Are YOU bad-ass enough to wear polo shirts
and hit a little ball with a stick?"
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 9:32 PM
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
The Importance of Current EventsI've been thinking. The Ketchup Destiny doesn't have to always be about light, fun stuff all the time. It wouldn't kill us to discuss some current events every once in a while, right? Be a little worldly? C'mon, let's try it.
Hmmm... current events... current events... what's been going on in current events... oh, I KNOW! Heroes! Heroes have totally been in the news recently. I'm feeling more socially conscious already.
Heroes Season 3 came out on Tv (including illegal streaming websites!) a couple of months ago, which seems pretty cool, and then for some reason it will take 2 weeks for episode 8 to premier, which seems pretty not cool.
Contemplating the age-old question of Heroes vs Homework, I think I lean towards Heroes. Mr. Timetable says that I'll be really busy with all the homework and projects, Heroes is just a cheap excuse of procrastination. That may be true, except that Hiro Nakamura is da man! Da big retarded effeminate Time-and-Space-Bending man! Which happens to go a long way with me.
Where do you side regarding this important issue that affects us all in these uncertain times?
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 10:38 AM
Monday, November 03, 2008
TinkercrazeIn school today, we were having a very flavourful debate on how hot Tinkerbell really is. I was never really into Peter Pan - he just can't match up to Power Rangers or Pokemon. So that probably explains why I never noticed that sweet little Tinkerbell is kind of a ... dirty whore.
That's quite a dress, really. One strategically placed, loose triangle piece of elfish cloth is all that stands between us and her enchanted hooey.
Closer inspection would give indication that this little lady also doesn't care for panties. But luckily, even in the dead cold of winter, not a hint of Tinkerbush.
Tinkerbell:
I take back what I said in school, Winx can kiss my bottom.
I love you, Tinkerbell.
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 10:07 PM
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Freaky Halloween Discoveries!
This morning, while eating breakfast/procrastinating my FOM project, I heard Ernie singing the "Rubber Duckie" song on Sesame Street. I guess I've never really paid attention to the lyrics before, because the second verse of Ernie's song left me with cereals drooping out of my mouth:
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"Rubber Duckie, joy of joys
When I squeeze you, you make noise
Rubber Duckie you're my very best friend, it's true"
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What about Bert?! Does he know about this??
I can just see poor Bert at home, making Ernie's bed with a heart full of joy, the TV is on in the background. This song comes on while he's fluffing Ernie's pillow just so. Then Ernie happily confesses that after all this time this cheap rubber toy is actually his "very best friend," and Bert's little muppet world comes crashing down around him.
Later Bert desperately tries to figure out where he went wrong as he sits in the kitchen, sobbing and sipping lipton tea. His felt cheeks soaked with tears.
Way to go, Ernie, you giggly orange prick.
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Anyway, enough of homewreckers. Lets talk about yours truly.
Went to Rayna's Halloween party. What a blast! Everyone's costumes were fantastic. Executioners, witch, cowgirls(wooo I'm scared), retarded magicians and even belly dancers/genies without turban, were there! The games were fun, dancing was crazy, even the food was ... filling!
Boo! Go hide under your blanket.
StreetFlow-[Jaz] ate tomatoes on 12:42 PM